I worked pretty hard at keeping everything moving in the direction that I wanted it to go until the wheels started falling off our family bus 10 years ago.
The first wheel to fall off was when our firstborn would not sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time. I tried everything….timed feedings, tying his crib to our bed, putting him to sleep in a bouncy seat with the vibrator on. Nothing worked. After a long search for an answer, it turned out that he had life threatening food allergies and the rash that covered his body was severe itchy eczema. I eliminated the offending foods from my diet and his rash went away. And I slept.
The second wheel fell off the bus about 4 years ago when that same son began to have numerous tantrums per day. Unending tantrums over seemingly meaningless issues. The stress than ensued upon our family was almost unimaginable. We started on a path to find out how to help him and ended up with the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome.
I then started on a mission to heal my son and to heal him fast. Again, I thought that I was in control.
I was, in a way, until the third wheel fell. I bottomed out with chronic, severe, fatigue. I was unable to stand to sing hymns at church, unable to read to my child while he sat on my lap. I simply closed my eyes and waited for the fatigue to pass.
Finding a way to put this wheel back on the bus became imperative. I had to find an answer or merely give in to a failing body and the crushing fatigue.
I had thought for years that the boom in autism diagnoses was simply the result of overdiagnosis. I thought that people with food allergies had it “all in their head” or that they simply wanted to be thin. I thought that chronic fatigue could probably be cured if one would just eat well and exercise and have “down time” pursuing God. I was wrong. It is all a lot more complex than that. Life has a way of humbling the living.
A lot of what you will find on this blog is the product of years of searching and analyzing and trying to find ways to help out family on the path towards wholeness and health. I haven’t found all of them and I am sure that I will be learning a lot along with all of you.
Some days the journey get really hard. Most days. I wonder, “Why us? Why me?” And then I realize, “Why not me?”
I am not sure why this has all happened, but I do know that it has forced me to learn how to reliquish control. To slow down. To let go. And to realize that in living we all fall into pits and need another one to help us out. I hope that I can be one to help others out of their pits.
While thinking about what to name my blog, I thought about what would encompass my life at this point. Our family has been on such a wild ride through many issues over the past years that we have been taken down paths that I never thought I would travel on. Almost every time I turn around I feel that I am encountering a new thing that needs to be addressed; a new part of the onion that needs to be peeled off in order to work on a new thing.
Whole New Mom is about me. It is also about you. It is for sure not what I am. It is what I am on the path (hopefully) to becoming. Though I am sure that it will never really happen in this world.
Whole means that I am trying to address all parts of me and my family in a holistic manner. I am trying to grow and learn more about becoming more healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually and I am trying to do this by addressing all aspects of being at the same time.
New is the recognition that there are everyday new things that I am learning, or am being forced to relearn. It is also the hope that some of my efforts will help in making some of our brokenness new and some of our illness healed.
Mom is what I am. That I can say with certainty. I am a mother to two beautiful boys and wife to a wonderful long-suffering husband. He typically uses that term when introducing me to others (I am the “long-suffering wife”), but it is certainly true in his case. He didn’t sign up for all of this mess, but then none of us did, right?
Won’t you join me on this journey? The path is much more enjoyable and bearable when two or more traverse together.
Come join us in the messiness of working on becoming whole and becoming new. We’ll walk together hand in hand….